The long-term impacts of narcissistic abuse on your mental and physical health can be wide ranging.
Learn about what those impacts are as well as the strategies we recommend so you can heal from narcissistic abuse and take your power back.
What is Narcissistic abuse?
Narcissistic Abuse is an insidious form of domestic violence that involves a pattern of behaviour over time which has the cumulative effect of denying victims of their autonomy and independence. It is a pattern of (usually) deliberate behaviours perpetrated by the narcissist against a victim to create a climate of fear, isolation, intimidation and humiliation. The pattern of behaviour usually escalates over time, especially after separation occurs.
Coercive control is another term for narcissistic abuse. For the purposes of this article, we use the terms interchangeably.
Narcissistic Abuse/Coercive control may encapsulate physical abuse, sexual abuse, psychological abuse or financial abuse. The common thread between the patterns of behaviour that constitutes coercive control/narcissistic abuse, is that the perpetrator seeks to control the victim.
Common examples of coercive control or narcissistic abuse are where a victim is isolated from their friends and family, their activity is monitored and controlled, their access to finances is restricted and they are given restrictions on what they are allowed to wear, say, and do.
Check out our page Your legal Guide to Divorcing a Narcissist for more information on the red flags of Narcissistic Abuse and a Narcissist.
The long-term impacts of Narcissistic Abuse
The long-term impacts of Narcissistic Abuse are wide ranging. Narcissistic Abuse can have a long lasting impact on the victim’s mental, emotional and physical wellbeing.
Some examples of just some of the long-term impacts of Narcissist Abuse, which we have seen in our practice, whilst supporting victims, are:
- Mental Health Issues including Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, anxiety and depression. Complex post-traumatic stress disorder is the most severe in terms of diagnoses. This type of PTSD can include difficulty regulating emotions such as anger, sadness, difficulty with daily functioning (managing daily tasks or may struggle to keep a job). In more extreme cases, victims may also experience suicidal thoughts. These types of mental health issues usually lead to the victim having difficulties in future relationships, isolating oneself, and distrusting other people.
- A diminished sense of self-worth: The constant barrage of manipulation, gaslighting and criticism of the victim by the narcissist gradually wears down the victim’s sense of self-worth. This may lead to the victim feeling worthless, guilty or like they are a failure. This can significantly impact the victims ability to form and maintain healthy relationships in future. The victim may struggle to trust others, have trouble setting healthy boundaries and feel unsure of themselves because of the abuse they experienced. This can cause long term communication problems in future relationships.
- Inability to maintain healthy relationships in future: The victim may struggle to form and maintain healthy relationships in future, and repeat the cycle of unhealthy relationship patterns. The victim may then justify or defend their abusers behaviour, because of their low sense of self-worth.
- Emotional instability: victims may experience mood swings, anger outbursts or alternatively emotional numbness (alexithymia – a condition that makes it difficult for the person to recognise, express or describe emotions).
- Trauma bonding: the victim may feel anxious when they are not with their abuser. Trauma bonding is a powerful attachment formed through cycles of abuse and intermittent kindness. Victims become addicted to the highs of being love bombed (they experience a rush of dopamine and oxytocin during these periods) and the lows of the abuse, creating a biochemical and psychological dependency on their abuser. When the abuse resumes, victims crash and crave those positive feelings, similar to a drug addict experiencing withdrawal.
- Panic attacks: victims may experience panic attacks when they come across triggers that remind them of the abuse they experienced.
- Insomnia: Victims may have difficulty sleeping.
- Body aches and pains and other physical health problems: The mental health impacts of narcissistic abuse are also tied to long term physical problems for victims stemming from the mind-body connection. Besides sleep disruption, headaches, muscle tension and stomach problems are not uncommon. In some circumstances victims may neglect their physical health and adopt unhealthy eating habits or substance abuse to block out the trauma they have experienced.
How to heal from the long-term impacts of narcissistic abuse
Here are our 6 strategies to support you healing from the long-term impacts of narcissistic abuse:
Seek Counselling
If you are continuing to struggle emotionally, please seek support from a counselor/psychologist. Your mental health is priority. You can’t look after your children and others until you put your mental health and mindset first.
Engage with a counsellor/psychologist who has an understanding of narcissistic personality disorder and who has experience in treating trauma and narcissistic abuse. In our experience, most counselors/psychologists who understand narcissistic personality disorder and the associated trauma the victim experiences, are those who have experienced a narcissistic person in their own lives.
Nova Gibson of Brighter Outlook Counselling is the most experienced and knowledgeable narcissistic abuse counsellor that Australia has to offer. Nova offers counselling support online to clients across Australia and internationally.
Set boundaries
Practice setting and enforcing healthy boundaries in your relationships. Learn to say no and to prioritise your own needs over other people in order to rebuild your self esteem and to ensure you protect yourself from potential harm in future.
This is something that your counsellor will assist you with. Your boundaries have been eroded down during the relationship, so building them back up with the assistance of a mental health practitioner is pivotal to your healing journey.
Practice self care
Your first priority is to take care of yourself.
Return to doing things you enjoy and that relax and de-stress you, like going to the gym, meditating, participating in social sports or take that cooking class or art class you have always wanted to do. Seek family support to make this possible for you. You must fill your cup first so that you can be the best parent you can be for your children.
Standing up to your narcissistic ex-partner is a daily battle, and it can have a negative impact on your mental health. It is best that you go grey rock at least for a while, so you can heal and build the strength to fight the battle that awaits you in relation to custody and splitting assets.
Doing activities that make you happy and less stressed will help you to stay calm and stable for the sake of yourself and your children.
Meditating is a great way to relax the mind and stop those intrusive thoughts.
Build support networks
You are the sum of the people you surround yourself with. Surround yourself with understanding and supportive people who empathise with you, validate your experiences and assist you in your healing journey.
Think of someone whom you have a healthy relationship with, who is supportive to you when you need them, and prioritise spending time with them.
Join support groups online including Nova Gibson’s facebook page to engage with other survivors of narcissistic abuse to gain support and learn what developing a healthy relationship looks like.
Pay attention to the information you absorbing
Listening to self-help and motivational podcasts is another great way to reframe your mindset, to help you to focus on what you can control and less on what you cannot control.
No one is suggesting that all of a sudden after separating from your Narc ex, you are going to have the mindset of the dalai llama, but, you need to feed your mind positive things if you want to live a positive life. You wouldn’t feed your body burgers and chips every day and expect to have a toned and fit body right? Of course not! Your mind is no different in that you can’t feed your mind negative data all the time and expect to live a positive life.
Choose carefully the data that you feed into your mind through not only the people you spend time with, but also what you watch, what you read and what you listen to and then you will be able to exert much more control over your emotional state.
You will still have negative thoughts, that is normal, so be prepared to do maintenance on your garden, trimming it when need be (of people and things) and pull out the weeds when they pop up.
Forgive yourself – your abuse was not your fault!
You are not the problem and never were.
While you were a victim of abuse, it is important that you understand that you did not deserve to be abused and that it was not your fault.
It is natural to fall for the narcissist when they wear a mask to hide who they really are, and put on a show by love-bombing you with gifts, compliments and affection during the dating phase, before locking you down under their thumb, and then removing their mask and revealing their true nature to you.
Of course looking back there were red flags but they are never obvious at the time and the worst narcissists are covert and fly under the radar in that they present as charming to the outsider and to you, until its too late because you are married to them, have kids and gave up your career.
Now that you have escaped from the narcissist it is time to work on yourself and your self-esteem so that you never fall prey to the narcissist ever again.
Are you a narcissistic abuse victim? Seek Help!
Many victims of these toxic relationships attend counselling with their narcissistic partner. The narcissist puts on their mask, manipulates the session, and the victim becomes re-victimised all over again.
Courtney’s legal team of narcissistic abuse specialists, advocate on behalf of victims of narcissistic abuse who have separated from the narcissist to free themselves from the narcissist’s grip. At Barton Family Lawyers, we make sure our clients can negotiate with the narcissist on an equal playing field, free from coercion and control and without being re-victimised by the process. Our priority is to ensure that our clients achieve a resolution of all issues quickly and at the least possible financial and emotional cost.
If you are separating or thinking of separating, contact Barton Family Lawyers on 3465 9332 to book a reduced rate initial consultation with one of our experienced Brisbane Family Lawyers who have special expertise and experience dealing with narcissistic abuse.
If you are struggling following separation to free yourself from the grips of your abuser and to take your power back, please reach out to someone you love and trust and ask for help. Your mental health is priority. You can’t be a good parent to your children until you look after yourself first.
