Coercive control is a form of domestic and family violence involving a pattern of behaviour over time that is used to control, dominate, intimidate or frighten another person.
Unlike some forms of domestic violence, coercive control does not necessarily involve physical violence or one obvious incident of abuse. Instead, it may involve a series of physical and non-physical behaviours that, when viewed together, have the cumulative effect of restricting a person’s autonomy, independence and freedom.
Coercive control can include emotional and psychological abuse, financial abuse, isolation, intimidation, surveillance, threats, manipulation, sexual abuse and physical violence.
The common thread is control.
At Barton Family Lawyers, our Brisbane family lawyers practise exclusively in family law and regularly assist clients experiencing high-conflict separation, domestic and family violence, coercive control and narcissistic abuse.
With offices in Chermside and Petrie on Brisbane’s northside, we assist clients with the family law consequences of coercive control, including parenting arrangements, property settlements, domestic violence matters and navigating separation from a controlling former partner.
What is Coercive Control?
Coercive control involves a pattern of behaviour over time that controls, coerces or dominates another person.
This distinction is important.
One disagreement, unpleasant interaction or unreasonable demand does not necessarily amount to coercive control. It is often the cumulative effect of repeated behaviours and the context in which they occur that reveals the extent of the control.
A person experiencing coercive control may gradually find that their independence and ability to make ordinary decisions have been restricted.
The controlling person may attempt to dictate:
- where they go;
- who they see;
- what they wear;
- how they spend money;
- whether they work;
- their access to bank accounts and financial information;
- how they parent their children;
- who they communicate with;
- their use of their telephone or social media;
- their movements or location; and
- decisions they would ordinarily be entitled to make for themselves.
Individual incidents may sometimes appear relatively insignificant to an outsider.
It is often only when the conduct is viewed as a pattern over time that the true extent of the coercive control becomes apparent.
Is Coercive Control Illegal in Queensland?
Coercive control has been a criminal offence in Queensland since 26 May 2025.
Queensland’s coercive control laws recognise that domestic and family violence can involve patterns of physical and non-physical abuse used to hurt, humiliate, isolate, frighten, threaten, control or coerce another person.
The criminal offence carries a maximum penalty of 14 years imprisonment.
The criminal law relating to coercive control is separate from the way coercive and controlling behaviour may be considered in family law proceedings.
Importantly, a person does not necessarily need to have been charged with or convicted of a criminal offence before coercive or controlling behaviour can be relevant to their family law matter.
If you are experiencing coercive control and want information on gas lighting, including how to recognise gas lighting and how to respond to it, click the links below:
For a more detailed explanation of the Queensland legislation and how the law has developed, read our article Coercive Control Finally Criminalised in Queensland.
Is Coercive Control Family Violence Under the Family Law Act?
Section 4AB of the Family Law Act 1975 defines family violence as violent, threatening or other behaviour by a person that coerces or controls a member of their family or causes that family member to be fearful.
The legislation recognises that family violence extends beyond physical assault.
Examples of behaviour that can constitute family violence include stalking, repeated derogatory taunts, damaging property, economic or financial abuse and preventing a family member from maintaining connections with family, friends or culture.
This is particularly important in coercive control matters because a victim may have experienced an extensive pattern of family violence without ever suffering an obvious physical injury.
What Are the Signs of Coercive Control?
Coercive control can be difficult to recognise, particularly when the behaviour develops gradually.
Controlling behaviour may initially be disguised as love, concern, jealousy or protection.
Over time, however, the person’s world may become increasingly restricted.
Some common signs and red flags of coercive control include:
- Your partner controls or attempts to control where you go, what you wear or who you see.
- They monitor your telephone, messages, social media or location.
- They isolate you from friends, family or other support networks.
- They control money, restrict access to finances or excessively monitor your spending.
- They behave possessively or repeatedly accuse you of infidelity.
- You feel pressured or manipulated into doing things you do not want to do.
- You feel that nothing you do is ever good enough.
- They use guilt to make it difficult for you to say no.
- They distort events or conversations.
- You regularly find yourself questioning what actually happened.
- They continually change their expectations so that you cannot satisfy them.
- They dismiss or invalidate your feelings.
- They use emotional blackmail to obtain what they want.
- They gaslight you or cause you to question your perception of events.
- They withdraw affection or communication as punishment.
- They portray themselves as the victim and blame you for their behaviour.
- They shame, mock, insult, threaten or attack your character.
- They justify controlling behaviour by saying it is for your benefit.
- You modify your behaviour to avoid their reaction.
- You increasingly question your own memory, judgment or decision-making.
Not every unhealthy interaction within a relationship constitutes coercive control.
The critical issue is the pattern, context and cumulative effect of the behaviour.
If you are questioning whether the behaviour you are experiencing is coercive or controlling, read our article Am I Overreacting? Understanding Coercive Control for further information about recognising the signs of coercive control in a relationship.
What Are Some Examples of Coercive Control?
Coercive control can look different in every relationship.
For example, a controlling partner may tell you what you are permitted to wear because they do not want other people looking at you.
They may discourage you from seeing a particular friend or family member and claim that person is a bad influence or does not have your best interests at heart.
They may insist upon knowing your telephone password or having access to your location because partners supposedly “shouldn’t have secrets”.
They may control the household finances and require you to justify ordinary purchases.
They may repeatedly accuse you of infidelity because somebody spoke to you, messaged you or interacted with you on social media.
They might make spending time with your family so difficult or conflict-ridden that eventually you stop seeing them.
When you challenge their behaviour, they may reverse the situation and accuse you of being controlling or abusive.
They may deny conversations occurred, insist your recollection is wrong or repeatedly tell you that you are irrational, overly sensitive or imagining things.
When these behaviours occur repeatedly over time, a person can gradually lose confidence in their own judgment and independence.
What We Commonly See in Coercive Control Family Law Matters
In our family law practice, coercive control is rarely presented as one isolated event.
Clients will often describe a series of behaviours which, individually, might not convey the full extent of what they have experienced.
When those behaviours are placed chronologically and considered together, a very different picture can emerge.
We commonly see allegations involving combinations of:
- financial restrictions;
- monitoring communications or movements;
- isolation from family and friends;
- repeated accusations;
- intimidation and threats;
- controlling parenting decisions;
- emotional and psychological manipulation;
- withholding financial information;
- harassment following separation; and
- attempts to use parenting or financial negotiations to maintain control.
For this reason, identifying the pattern of conduct rather than focusing exclusively on isolated incidents can be particularly important in family law matters involving coercive control.
Financial Abuse and Coercive Control
Financial or economic abuse can be a powerful mechanism of coercive control because restricting a person’s access to money can also restrict their independence and ability to leave a relationship.
Examples can include:
- preventing access to bank accounts;
- withholding money;
- requiring permission before money can be spent;
- excessively monitoring expenditure;
- providing an unreasonably restrictive allowance;
- preventing or discouraging a partner from working;
- taking control of their income;
- creating debts in their name;
- concealing assets or financial information; or
- using financial dependence to force compliance.
Financial abuse can also extend beyond simply controlling access to bank accounts or household spending. Financial and administrative systems can themselves be manipulated as a means of continuing to exert control or causing financial harm.
For an example of how this can occur, read Tax System Used as a Weapon to Financially Abuse Victims, which examines how the Australian taxation system can be exploited to leave victims of financial abuse with significant tax liabilities.
In our experience, this can arise through disputes concerning access to funds, control of businesses, undisclosed financial information, liabilities, property settlement negotiations and legal costs.
The Family Law Act 1975 now expressly recognises economic or financial abuse as a form of family violence.
Isolation From Family and Friends
Isolation is another common feature of coercive control.
It can occur gradually.
A controlling partner may criticise your friends and family, tell you that particular people do not care about you, create conflict whenever you see them or make maintaining those relationships so difficult that eventually you stop trying.
Your support network can gradually become smaller.
This can increase the controlling person’s influence because you have fewer independent people available to provide perspective, emotional support or practical assistance.
Isolation can become particularly significant when a person begins contemplating separation.
Monitoring, Surveillance and Technology-Facilitated Abuse
Technology provides additional mechanisms through which a person may monitor or control another.
This can include:
- repeatedly checking a partner’s telephone;
- demanding passwords;
- reading private messages or emails;
- monitoring social media;
- using location-sharing services to monitor movements;
- using tracking devices;
- repeatedly calling or messaging to determine a person’s whereabouts; or
- interrogating a partner about who they have communicated with.
Context is important.
Consensually sharing your location with a partner is very different from being required to share it because you fear the consequences if you refuse.
Gaslighting and Psychological Abuse
Gaslighting can form part of a broader pattern of coercive control.
A controlling person may deny saying something they clearly said, insist events occurred differently from the way you remember them or repeatedly tell you that you are irrational, unstable, overly emotional or imagining things.
An argument about their behaviour may be manipulated to such an extent that you ultimately find yourself apologising to them.
When this occurs repeatedly over time, the victim may begin to doubt their own perception, memory and judgment.
This can increase their dependence upon the controlling person’s version of events and further undermine their autonomy.
For a more detailed examination of how coercive and controlling behaviour can affect the division of property following separation, read our article Coercive Control & Property Settlement.
Can Coercive Control Continue After Separation?
Coercive control can continue after separation and, in some circumstances, the behaviour may escalate.
Separation can remove many of the mechanisms through which a person previously exercised control.
Where that person perceives that they are losing control, the method through which the controlling behaviour occurs may change.
Post-separation coercive control can include:
- excessive or abusive communications;
- threats and intimidation;
- repeated demands for information;
- harassment;
- monitoring a former partner;
- financial pressure;
- withholding financial information;
- creating unnecessary conflict about parenting arrangements;
- interfering with support networks;
- attempting to control when or how the other parent communicates;
- using children to obtain information about the other parent; or
- using negotiations, legal processes or parenting disputes as another avenue through which to exert pressure.
At Barton Family Lawyers, we frequently assist clients dealing with high-conflict separation where allegations of coercive and controlling behaviour extend beyond the end of the relationship.
Having an appropriate legal strategy can therefore be particularly important before and during separation.
How Does Coercive Control Affect Children and Parenting Matters?
Children can be affected by coercive control even when the behaviour is primarily directed towards the other parent.
Children may witness threats, intimidation, humiliation, emotional abuse or conflict.
They may live in an environment characterised by fear, tension and control.
Following separation, children may also become involved in the ongoing dynamic.
For example, allegations may arise that a parent:
- obtains information about the other parent through the children;
- involves children in adult disputes;
- undermines the children’s relationship with the other parent;
- uses parenting arrangements as a means of maintaining contact with or control over the other parent; or
- exposes children to ongoing conflict or abusive communications.
Family violence is relevant to parenting proceedings and can affect the orders the Court considers appropriate for parental responsibility and decision-making about children.
For a more detailed explanation of how allegations and findings of family violence can affect these issues, read How Domestic Violence Affects Parental Responsibility.
Where coercive control is alleged, it is important to describe the actual behaviour, its frequency, its context and its impact upon the victim and children rather than relying only upon labels.
Where coercive or controlling behaviour forms part of a high-conflict parenting dispute, the way that behaviour is evidenced and presented to the Court can be particularly important. Read our article How to Fight for Custody With a Narcissist for further information about parenting proceedings involving narcissistic and controlling behaviours, the factors considered by the Court and a case in which Barton Family Lawyers successfully obtained orders for a child to spend no time with the other parent.
How Do You Prove Coercive Control in Family Court?
Because coercive control involves a pattern of behaviour, evidence showing what occurred over time can be particularly important.
Depending upon the circumstances, relevant evidence may include:
- text messages;
- emails;
- social media messages;
- photographs;
- bank statements and other financial records;
- telephone records;
- evidence of tracking or surveillance;
- contemporaneous diary notes;
- police records;
- Domestic Violence Orders;
- medical or psychological records;
- evidence from family members, friends or other witnesses; and
- records demonstrating repeated incidents or behaviours.
Specificity matters.
Rather than simply saying that a former partner was “controlling”, it can be more useful to identify what they actually did, approximately when it occurred, whether the behaviour was repeated and the effect it had upon you or the children.
A chronology showing repeated monitoring, isolation, financial restrictions, threats, intimidation or other conduct may demonstrate a pattern more effectively than a general allegation of controlling behaviour.
Coercive Control and Narcissistic Abuse
Coercive control and narcissistic abuse can overlap, but they are not necessarily the same thing.
A person does not need to have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or any diagnosed personality disorder, for their behaviour to be coercive or controlling.
For family law purposes, the focus should ordinarily be upon behaviour rather than an unqualified psychological diagnosis.
Where a former partner displays narcissistic traits, the legally relevant evidence may instead concern behaviours such as manipulation, intimidation, threats, isolation, financial abuse, surveillance or other controlling conduct.
At Barton Family Lawyers, we strongly recommend against simply labelling a former partner a “narcissist” where there is no appropriate diagnosis.
Instead, identify and describe with specificity the patterns of behaviour you say constitute family violence or coercive control and the effect that behaviour had upon you or the children.
If you are separating from a person who displays narcissistic behaviours, our Legal Guide to Divorcing a Narcissist and Narcissistic Abuse provides further information about navigating separation and family law proceedings.
You can also read Understanding the Long-Term Impacts of Narcissistic Abuse for further information about the psychological and emotional effects that can continue after an abusive relationship has ended.
What Should I Do if I Am Experiencing Coercive Control and Considering Separation?
Leaving a coercively controlling relationship can involve considerably more than deciding that the relationship is over.
Before taking significant steps, it may be necessary to consider:
- your immediate safety;
- the safety of your children;
- access to money;
- access to important documents;
- where you and the children will live;
- parenting arrangements;
- preserving relevant evidence;
- domestic violence protection;
- property settlement;
- communication with your former partner; and
- how the separation can be managed without unnecessarily exposing you to further controlling behaviour.
The appropriate approach will depend upon your individual circumstances.
Where you anticipate that your partner may react badly to separation, obtaining legal advice before announcing the separation can allow you to understand your options and develop an appropriate strategy.
If you or your children are in immediate danger, call 000.
Why Choose Barton Family Lawyers for a Matter Involving Coercive Control?
Barton Family Lawyers is a Brisbane family law firm with substantial experience assisting clients in high-conflict family law matters involving allegations of coercive control, domestic and family violence and narcissistic abuse.
We practise exclusively in family law.
Our lawyers advise clients about the interaction between coercive control and:
- parenting and child custody disputes;
- property settlements;
- financial abuse;
- domestic violence;
- high-conflict separation;
- mediation and negotiation; and
- Family Court proceedings.
Our experience in this area means that we understand why coercive control cannot always be explained by pointing to one dramatic incident.
We focus on identifying the relevant pattern of behaviour, the available evidence, its impact upon you and your children and its legal relevance to the issues that need to be resolved.
We also understand that separation can itself be a period of increased conflict where a former partner has historically used controlling behaviours.
Our role is to provide clear, strategic family law advice and assist our clients to navigate that process without allowing coercion or intimidation to dictate the outcome.
Barton Family Lawyers has offices in Chermside and Petrie on Brisbane’s northside and assists clients throughout Brisbane and Queensland.
Need advice about coercive control or separation?
If you are experiencing coercive control, considering separation or dealing with controlling behaviour from a former partner, our family lawyers can help you understand your legal options and the steps you can take to protect your interests.
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